Unravel Me

Unravel me, a distant cord
that on the outside is forgotten
for the river I continually ford
manifests a constant need ill begotten
The road is long, the memory slides
to the whole of my undoing
I put aside, I put away
I push it back to get through each day
And all I feel is black and white
and I’m wound up small and tight
and I don’t know who I am
Once again flunking life’s biggest exam
Mama needs for me to be okay
So like Edison I send the keys to me up the line on my kite
It is only my psyche to defray
as little me heads out of sight
He just needs me to behave
be the little adult and I win affection untold
willing child motivated by the attention I crave
Who knew Pandora’s box would unfold?
Parents who gave me the finest they had on offer
I am reminded their best is sometimes second best
So I became a little child busker
at my well meaning parent’s behest
Everybody loves you when you’re easy
everybody hates when you’re a bore
everyone is waiting for your entrance
so don’t disappoint them anymore
Unravel me, untie this cord
key to the very center of our union
all’s caving in and we have little to afford
the archive of our failures I do blazon
My façade has pushed beyond the brink
a delicate thing intended for nurture
Now into my abyss only I must sink
and retrieve the child on the poster
When the kite reveals little one riding the camber
and the floodgates do open
I will fight the urge to sail my kite ever higher
instead draw it in, allowing Perdita to burgeon
My sincere desire to attain contentment
my prize a beautiful family to lead
determined to make pleasant a remnant
It is my singular focus to succeed
For everyone should know how to cry
and no one should submit to such cycles
rejection should be saved for a later tide
and children should be little rascals
Emotions should be felt intrinsically
admitting parents can’t always be paragons
relationships should be cultivated from genuine honesty
and our true selves equipped with pitons
And all I feel is black and white
and I’m wound up so small and tight
and I don’t know who I am
with emerging emotion fighting the deadpan

~Charlotte Greer Slater 8.24.11

I Chose

Today I chose it over the ocean
Over the trees, their fall leaves
A hawk perched high on a branch
Over the chandelier of sunlight broken
By a cathedral of trees
On azure waves: over sweet smelling flowers
Shaped like teacups and trumpets
Over my ivy garden where I once dreamt
Today I chose the steeper path
I stare defiantly at God’s wrath
I dare the world to encumber me
For I shall chose to shed its weight
And dwell with the stars and moon
Above the treetops
With the owls and night noise
Today I found a reservoir
I chose to find the font inside myself
I will lie down in crocuses
But rise again to the treetops
With owls and night noise
To lift me high

~Charlotte Greer Slater 3.10.09

The Ox

Charlotte Greer Slater 8.21.2011

My feelings vacillate in a boustrophedon fashion
Back and forth like an ox plowing his plot
Except my plot is unknown and full of passion
Which leaves me increasingly distraught
All I write is amphigory
My thoughts a muddled farrago
Decisions with no boundary
As the ox and my brows furrow
Time is my advantage unexploited
Sadly unable to address my desires
By deep seated feelings I am haunted
Too deep for divining even from lit pyres
Steely resolve is my episemon
As I flail in my phrontistery hell
Loved ones cringe as they watch from the panopticon
As my urge to prove myself I do quell
The ox is a strong and dutiful creature
Sagacious he will never be
But I am compelled to end the debate by cloture
And set the dumb beast and I free

Hey Grandma, I know your secret
To be young and wild and free
I read your diary and see the gauntlet
I can see you screaming inside like a banshee
Long raven hair shines like mink
Eyes pale blue like mine
Youth and vibrancy completely in sync
Belle of the ball for all time
Your suitors were the pick of the town
Young beaus showed promise left and right
But your promised suitor let you down
Left you with a burden in the twilight
I imagine the fear you held inside
Every stigma haunting you and pressed for time
Your only shelter a man that could provide
Your choice in matrimony I can only divine
I wish you could forgive yourself
I don’t think you ever did
Please put your diary upon the shelf
You paid penance tenfold for the secrets you hid
Life is complicated and scandal is rife
We oftimes fail to hit the mark
Attempting damage control on our unmitigated strife
When left with ugly secrets in the dark
~Charlotte Greer Slater 7.5.11

The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice —
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do —
determined to save
the only life you could save.
~ Mary Oliver ~

Butterflies

When we go beyond the fear of solitude and abandonment, and we realize we will not perish, the triumph and submission make us stronger.

It is as if we finally morph into the lovely butterfly of literature and light.

All artifice aside, along with foolish hopes and expectations, one is able to feel true happiness… a contentment earned.

A happiness not bestowed upon us, but a very personal achievement illuminated by the trials and tribulations that life presents us.

This search we lead in life, not knowing what the ethereal creature is that we search for so desperately, is not in vain.

So when we give up everything of lesser likeness, and go for our true inner  peace, our life is suddenly our own, no longer there to be taken by anyone, or metered out by any being.

The butterfly has taken flight.

I wrote the following on that day of epiphany:

I Chose

Today I chose it over the ocean
Over the trees, their fall leaves
A hawk perched high on a branch
Over the chandelier of sunlight broken
By a cathedral of trees
On azure waves: over sweet smelling flowers
Shaped like teacups and trumpets
Over my ivy garden where I once dreamt
Today I chose the steeper path
I stare defiantly at God’s wrath
I dare the world to encumber me
For I shall chose to shed its weight
And dwell with the stars and moon
Above the treetops
With the owls and night noise
Today I found a reservoir
I chose to find the font inside myself
I will lie down in crocuses
But rise again to the treetops
With owls and night noise
To lift me high
~Charlotte Greer

In the half-light
Here I am in the half-light
Toes dig in the grass
What a glorious night
Twilight with clouds that scud by
Hiding the moons great mass
Hear it, hear the wee owl?
He does not fear the half-light
I sit and listen
As he sings with all his might
You are just in reach when thoughts escape me
I know sometimes it is hard to trace
By the looks on my face
In the half-light
on a clear night
It is easier to be contrite
Than discuss what lies in the air tonight
It is easier to fight with all my might
Then give into the half-light
And the wee owl sings along
He sings to the throng of all left unsaid
He sings for the fears in my head
To the half-light,
the wee owl will forever belong.
Charlotte Slater 2008

I just wrote this, and I can only share this shit with the likes of you, so here goes…
Ewww!
When I die,
My atoms will come undone;
I’ll be space dust, once again.
The wind will carry me;
Scatter me everywhere;
Like dandelions in springtime.
I’ll visit worlds and alien moons;
It will be so damned poeticUntil I land on your sandwich.
Charlotte
10/13

Driving Rain
I like the driving rain
Puddles spreading like a stain
An angry pour, threatening for more
Determined to be worse than ever before
The pounding is all pervasive
Stealing my peace and quiet
Making my thoughts invasive
Reminding me who’s the pilot
~Charlotte Greer Slater 3.11

Campus
Lie beneath a spreading tree
With golden flowers in the sun
Count to (n) on all the petals
Never think of (n+1)
Watch the building-crammed horizon
Sky no longer meeting ground
Watch the golden flowers wither
Watch the golden dreams fall down
~Charlotte Greer Slater 7.3.11