March 25

Kentucky Sunset

Kentucky Sunset

 

As I sit here planted under this tree watching the shadows lengthen and my sunset fade- My feelings fade with it.  Their intensity is muted by the breeze slipping through the trees. I watch my sunset change from pinks to purples to deep dusky blues that create black silhouettes of the trees.  I patiently wait for Orion to spread its blanket of stars over the sky- Enveloping me in darkest midnight blue pierced by the stars. I wait for the last bird to chirp, the last of the light to fade to velvet darkness.  I am calm and at peace now.  

 

~Charlotte Greer Slater 

4.24.09

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March 25

‘It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

‘It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us

 

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,

talented and fabulous?

 

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other

People won’t feel insecure around you.

 

We were born to make manifest the glory of

God that is within us.

 

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people

permission to do the same.

 

As we are liberated from our own fear,

Our presence automatically liberates others.’

 

—Marianne Williamson

From Babatunde Adegbemiro (my Nigerian friend)

 

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March 25

The Back of My Mind

The Back of My Mind

 

Here comes the night again,

Left feeling so hurt for two little girls.

Makes it hard to pretend,

I’m okay with what life sometimes unfurls.

 

I hold you both close in the back of my mind.

But I know it’s for naught,

Because he doesn’t play like our kind,

I am painfully familiar with the onslaught.

 

The hole in my heart like a vacuum, 

It whistles, what if you fail again?

All his ugly words well up in the void like a sad tune,

But my little engine fights, says I think i can.

 

So I hold my little girls in the back of my mind,

Whisper for them to be strong.

Now I pray to God for strength in any sign,

For I gave up asking him why things went so wrong.

 

My apron strings stretch for miles, my little girls.

My hope and faith and determination with them.

But when big blue eyes sprout tears like pearls,

I feel like the loveliest of flowers crimped at the stem.

 

So let me hold you tight in the back of my mind,

Where he cannot reach us.

Listen when I whisper be strong and act so in kind,

Never let him pull asunder our mutual trust.

 

So here we three are, my arms wrapped around you,

I will sing you songs and stroke your long blonde hair.

Please don’t forget it’s your mama who will see you through

For it is I who lives and breathes for your every care.

 

April 16th, 2014

Charlotte von Wolfle Greer

 

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March 25

I Want So Many Things

I want so many things

So many things I desperately need

But I cannot succeed

 

I am adrift and desperately looking

Seeking attention

I am nervous ticks

Restless and lost

 

I cannot trust myself

I fear my own impact

I only hope I come out of this intact.

 

I need help

I need my friends

But somehow this minute I am struck mute.

 

I have no escape

I have no car

I am left agape 

At my bleeding scars

 

My body paces

Emotions raw

My heart races

At my chains I gnaw

 

I do not trust myself

I do not know why

When I attempt to divest myself

I feel like a kite that will not fly

 

Watch as I self destruct

Unravel at the seams

My manner I cannot conduct

I have lost touch with my dreams

 

~Charlotte Greer Slater

5.12.09

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March 25

I Like The Driving Rain

I like the driving rain

An angry pour

Spreading like a stain

Threatening for more

 

The grey is all pervasive

Stealing my peace and quiet

Making my thoughts invasive

Reminding me I‘m not the pilot

 

Damp rises

Flagstones cold under my feet

Rheumatic aches for prizes

Obvious to anyone on the street

 

Trees stand in the wet looking neglected

Bare mottled arms flex and creak

Yet under them I feel protected

Reassuring me it’s safe to speak

 

Meanwhile the earth drinks

Gullet full

Runnels at the brink

Submitting counterclockwise to the earth’s pull

As if it were travelling down my sink

~Charlotte Greer Slater  2.21.2011

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March 25

How?

How?

 

How does one make it stop?

How do you keep them from hurting you?

I run till I drop

But they keep getting through

 

You get lulled into a false sense of security

you think you are safe

you let go of your purity

and find that it only chafes

 

I am battered

I am betrayed

get in line

only to  be dismayed.

 

Won’t you let me go?

can’t I be free?

am I allowed to say no?

or am I succor for your greed?

 

Will you or any man ever admit his faults?

can I believe you when you speak?

I cannot jump all the vaults

only to come to the end and be meek?

 

Don’t you dare love me you traitor

You are not allowed to speak

I am cut as if by an abattoir

and I begin red blood to leak

 

You are not allowed my succor

you are not given my feast

you are cast adrift without pucker

and lacking courage of the very least

 

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March 25

Hope

HOPE

 

I have hope

I have prayer

I believe what I need is

Definitely out there

 

I have heart

I have soul

I am smart

It takes its toll

 

I can almost breathe

Loosen the hold

My claws I sheath

I know I am too bold

 

I am in the moment

I hear birdsong

The sun’s ray sap me like a vent

But I still belong

 

It is a little after nine

I feel and look fine

I will not pine 

For what cannot be mine.

 

~Charlotte Greer Slater

4.28.09

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March 25

Great Moments

Sometimes you are aware when your great moments are happening, and sometimes they rise from the past. Perhaps it’s the same with people.

 

Her life was one in which everything was left undone—letters unanswered, bills on the floor, the butter sitting out all night. Perhaps that was why her husband had left her; he was even more hopeless than she. At least she was gay. She stepped from her littered doorway in pretty clothes, like a woman who lives in the barrio walking to a limousine, stray dogs and dirt on the way.”

 

“Women fall in love when they get to know you. Men are just the opposite. When they finally know you they’re ready to leave

 

“I’m tired of my life, my clothes, the things I say. I’m hacking away at the surface, as at some kind of gray ice, trying to break through to what is underneath or I am dead. I can feel the surface trembling—it seems ready to give but it never does. I am uninterested in current events. How can I justify this? How can I explain it? I don’t want to have the same vocabulary I’ve always had. I want something richer, broader, more penetrating and powerful.

 

The book was in her lap; she had read no further. The power to change one’s life comes from a paragraph, a lone remark. The lines that penetrate us are slender, like the flukes that live in river water and enter the bodies of swimmers. She was excited, filled with strength. The polished sentences had arrived, it seemed, like so many other things, at just the right time. How can we imagine what our lives should be without the illumination of the lives of others?”

 

Why is it so difficult to assemble those things that really matter in life and to dwell among them only? I am referring to certain landscapes, persons, beasts, books, rooms, meteorological conditions, fruits.” 

 

Happiness is often at its most intense when it is based on inequality.

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March 25

Fittsy Valentine

On the internet they found romance,

That put both in a sexual trance, 

But each had a gripe, 

That it’s hard to type, 

With a hand stuck down in your pants. 

 

So they made plans to meet at the Rooster.

He bore flowers intended to impress,

The night ended up with creek water shooters.

And both in a state of undress.

 

Now words of love are often spoken

Between the man on the hill and the Southern Belle.

Their uncommon bond remains unbroken, 

And they can be found front porch sittin for a spell.

 

Now Marble Hill has seen its share of heartbreak,

But eventually by and by,

The partnership made for love’s sake, 

Might just give it one more try.

 

For my Fittsy,

Charlotte von Wolfle Greer

Valentine’s Day 2014

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March 25

Fear

Fear

 

I am so very nervous these days- My hands shake, I am so jumpy.  Chris is begging for chances I will not give him, and being way too nice.  I am cringing and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

 

I sit here in Lexington, Kentucky Cracker Barrel eaten alive with nervous ticks- back against the wall, fearing him eight hours away.

 

I just want control of my life again, I need that power back.

 

No more intimidation, so subtle his parents blindly overlook it- no more promises….Just a peace within me and focus where it belongs.

 

I untether my happiness from my circumstances.

 

~Charlotte Greer Slater

5.5.09

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